Salutations
by Michmak
Summary: River writes a letter to Jayne's ma. Jayne isn't too happy about it, but he doesn't try to stop her, either.


Title: **Salutations**

Author: Michmak

Characters: River / Jayne

Disclaimers: Not mine

Summary: River writes a letter to Jayne's ma. Jayne protests (sorta) but doesn't really stop her.

A/N: two in one day – this is what happens when you don't work due to extreme vocal loss and are obsessed. This story is the eleventh in **The Little Things** series, which can be found here and should be read in the following order: _Expert, Slippers, Letter, Home, Gifts, Rats, In Dreams, Holes, Simon, Bob _and_ Splinters_

This is not betaed yet, so any errors are mine and cannot be blamed on anyone else. Darnit. Once again, I'd like to thank you for your reviews of my series thus far, and remind you all I am a review companion. LOL.

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Salutations, Mother-of Jayne, maker of fine knitted goods:

My feet are now warm, thanks to you, and Jayne and I have matching hats to keep our ears cozy. Did you know the pink is the exact same shade Jayne sometimes turns when being teased about apples and guns? I think it is my favorite color.

Before the socks, I relied on Jayne's hands to keep my feet warm as they were the only things on Serenity that fit properly, but the socks are sufficient for those times when he is on-world with the Captain and Zoë, shooting at people.

The socks are a bit too large, but considering you have never even seen my feet I think you did a fine job imagining them. Besides, I don't want Jayne to feel he has been supplanted by fuzzy yarn. He can be very touchy.

He is standing over my shoulder now, reading this private correspondence and scowling. He wants me to inform you that he doesn't blush and he _'ain't jealous of the socks.'_ He also wants me to inform you that I am crazy, and you are not to take anything I write seriously. However, as I am seriously thanking you for your kindness to me, I think that argument holds no water.

Did you know that Jayne gave me one of his guns? I have named it Bob which is, I think, I fine name for a gun. Your son disagrees, but as he names all his weapons after women he has slept with, I felt the need to follow suit. Of course, the Bob I slept with was a stuffed teddy bear my brother bought me for Christmas when I was younger, so I am not sure if it counts the same. What do you think?

I could have named it Jayne, because we sleep together, but it might get too confusing having three Jayne's on board the ship. It's difficult enough with just big Jayne and Jayne Jr., because sometimes when I call the one, the other shows up and vice versa.

Jayne (your son) wants me to inform you that the Jayne I currently sleep with is not, and never will be, him. I sleep with Jayne Jr. who is in no way progeny of his, so you are not a grandmother yet. Junior is a kitten Jayne bought for me a few months ago, because he likes me.

Jayne (again, your son) has asked me to let you know that just because he bought me a cat and gave me a gun doesn't mean he likes me, and he doesn't want you to start getting ideas about us. He says his gifts don't mean anything, but he is wrong – they mean everything. He protects me. His blood sings in my veins. He is part of me.

Again, thanks for the socks and the hat.

River

**PS: Hey Ma, I'm addin' to Crazy's letter because she don't know how excitable you can get about certain things, but I ain't part of her. She's a feng le girl, and I feel sorry for her, and that's it. Don't go readin' nothing into what she said 'bout me being part of her – I ain't. She's just sayin' that 'cause she got shot a while back and Doc had to give her some of my blood to replace what she'd lost. That's all. Nothin' more – Jayne**

PPS: Hello again, mother-of-Jayne - your son can deny it all he wants, but I know what I know. I've drawn a picture of him for you which I will send with the letter. It's a picture of him carrying me all over the ship, which he does a lot. The kitten in my lap is Jayne Jr. Perhaps one day I will meet you and you can show me pictures of baby Jayne. Have you any of him lying naked on a baby blanket? - River

**PPPS: You better have burned them nudie baby pictures like I asked ya too, Ma. Crazy don't need to be seeing nothing like that, so if'n you still have them I'd apurciate it if you'd destroy 'em. At the very least, don't make no copies to mail to her. And I don't carry her all over the ship all the time, only when she's recoverin' from bein' shot, is all. I ain't a mule. – Jayne**

PPPPS: If you mail naked pictures of baby Jayne to me care of Captain Malcolm Reynolds, Jayne can't do anything about it. - River


End file.
